Tomorrow will be four weeks since I have given birth to my Sun! I am healing from major blood loss, a second degree vaginal tear, and the emotional loss of not being able to hold him for ten whole minutes after he emerged. I am healing well, and feeling the bliss and joy of this incredible being on the planet.
One of my favorite things is to see his little smiles emerge on his beautiful face while he is sleeping. I can tell when it’s about to come, because his breathing usually gets more rapid, and his eyes flutter for a moment. Infants are so close still to the time of being pure existence, an unseen being if you well. In those moments of pure bliss with that smile, I think he is still between the worlds communicating with faeries and angels ~ pure Bliss Consciousness.
My greatest wish is to be able to protect that state of Being for him. My greatest humility is my humanness, which amounts to my lack of ability to fully protect him the way I wish I could. I found a deer tick on his perfect little thigh the other day. My life, his life, flashed before me. What’s the difference at this point? He certainly does not recognize any difference between he and I. I admit to falling into a terrible pit of fear and anxiety and truly feeling in every cell that I would die if anything happened to my Sun.
I have done all of the practical things I can. Homeopathic tick bite treatment, I am taking Astralagus and Eleuthero internally, and giving him 2 drops of Astralagus tincture a day, and I took Chris Marano’s Lyme Aid formula for 5 days. All that I took went into my breast milk and into my baby that way. The practical things are easy. The real work for me as a human, and now as a mother is letting go of the negative fearful thought loops. Bringing myself out of my head and into my heart, in the prayerful place.
My new mantra:
“My Sun is healthy and happy, with a robust immune system.”