Variegations

I have a scarf that I made with variegated yarn a few years ago. (Variegated means that the colors change, in this case between greys, turquoises and purples). I remember while I was knitting this scarf with this yarn I thought about how much of a metaphor for life and relationships it is to knit with variegated yarn.

It was at the beginning of my knitting career, and I do value knitting with high quality fibers, as opposed to acrylic. I was so excited to create with this beautiful yarn. I began, and started with grey. I noticed after a while, that suddenly, I saw a faint thread of purple, and eventually, the grey was almost entirely gone and I was faced with an exquisite, deep purple with just a faint thread of grey still visible. As it goes, this happened again with turquoise and I was left with a vibrant turquoise, now with the faint residual of grey and purple.

It reminds of life experience, relationships and our own energy bodies. As we begin to weave another “thread” into the fiber of our beings, we watch that thread begin to fully embody us, while still honoring, respecting and witnessing the “past”, the thread of the other color that is still deeply woven within. I think this happens within a relationship, as well as within our own emotional responses that occur within relationship.

For example, many of us move through life searching for a romantic relationship that meets us in that deep heart and soul place, because as humans many of us desire love and companionship. We cycle through many relationships, with the intention, that each time, we get better at it, because we have all of these other experiences/threads that we have gleaned powerful lessons from.

If or when we find the person we ultimately choose to be with and make a deep long term, conscious, loving commitment with, we ebb and flow through all the “colors”. Maybe (hopefully) it begins with a vibrancy of turquoise, and ebbs through the grey, which is a solid, grounding color, but not so vibrant as turquoise. The hope or intention is that we still hold within the essence of the container of the relationship the thread of the vibrancy of turquoise, while embracing the ebb of a more mundane grey, all the while, trusting that the turquoise or purple is woven deeply and undeniably within the grey and will resurface even more potently this time because with each spell of grey, the deepening of intimacy and commitment that happens, provides ground and trust that make space for more passion and vibrancy.

Within the “grey” times, what does our emotional body do? For many of us, myself included (I might be wise but I am still just a soulful soul having a human experience), we contract into our fear or pain body. Maybe we go from grey straight to some kind of red panic zone, with no gentle transition. Because, we humans, crave passion and we want the relationship to feel like turquoise and purple all the time! And when suddenly it does not, especially if we have experienced loss or trauma before, which many of us have, our fear bodies activate.

I wonder what it would be like if could actually hold in our hands the ball of yarn that held all the ebbs and flows between purple, turquoise and grey? It would be like holding in our hands, that which would weave our futures. I wonder if we could hold it and see it, if it would ease the anxiety we feel about the mystery and groundlessness of life?


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